fuck you teen angst!!

[Zombie_eater_69]

the iscolation thing at school was being dealt with, and my personal self esteem is so-so, but if theres one thing i really can't bare it's that wave of deep anxiety and heartwrenching depression i seem to get everynight.

It's like, i'll be at school and seemed to be numbed to it all: all the stupid shitty things those pricks and bitches say (or don't say) all the no good useless junk the teachers try to force down our throats, even all the moaning me and my best (and only) friend seem to go on about.
But then in the loving feel of my own home, i'll break. And i try to cover it up, try to lie to myself and make myself happy. I'll dance and laugh, and try to spend time with the family to stop it, but i just can't do it anymore. It's fucking unbareable!

And i feel so alone, and i suppose i am. I am virtually misunderstood or hated by about 99% of the school. I used to think it was because they didn't get my style, but now i think it's something else. I get looked at by alot of guys, but nothing ever happens, and when i try to be brave and make something happen it backfires and things become even shiitier then they were to begin with!
To top if all off, my best friend is dropping out at the end of the year. sure we'll still talk, but i just don't think i could bare being at school alone, fuck i'm hardly getting through as it is!
I feel so anti-social and i really do try, but it's this angst. I can't fucking take it.
I've heard it's just a teenage thing, that i'll get over it. But i'm getting to the end of my teenage years and my friends are dropping like flys.

I feel like shit. like fucking shit! and i don't think anything could help me. Not music, not my daydreaming about sid viciouc and robert smith, not even california.
And the worst part i can't talk about it to anyone. I tried with my parents, but mum just got a little freaked out, suggested 'someone to talk to' and then reassured herself with the whole 'teen hormone' line. And my friend, god i couldn't tell her. I love her, but this i can't tell her. She thinks that life is shitty enough as it is, and both things we hate we hate together. If i tell her this i think it may drag her down.

I was just so happy last year. I had my friends and everything seemed set. Now everything looks cold and grey and miserable, and i can't think becuase this feeling is always in the back f my head. And i feel so desperate and alone, i think it's around the worst it's ever been. Soon i'll be completly alone, I'll be out of home, and my best friend would be gone, and i've have no man, and my dreams of moving out and partying and having a different man everynight seem transparent. It's like i know that it's never gonna happen and i'm going to end up alone and scared.
I really hate being alone.
Fuck, just thinking about it again has REALLY freaked me out. Oh shit, as bad as this sounds i think i want to end it, just to stop myself being scared. I don't want to be scared anymore, and i don't want to be alone.
Please tell me it'll stop, that it is just a part of growing up, though i highly doubt it is.
People seem to avoid me, i don't like it.
Oh fucking shit, i want out!!

[AngryGoat]

http://www.subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet_p1.html

[Jimmy]

Oh man, she would totally dig Subgenius. Praise "Bob"!

[Bloppin]

Originally Posted by Zombie_eater_69

And the worst part i can't talk about it to anyone.

As cliche'd as it sounds, you're talking about it to us, so this is a positive step for you. Do you feel any better after writing all that down?
the first thing I would suggest is that you talk to your friend anyway. You don't want to burden her with your problems, but she's your best friend. She'll listen to you. Who knows? If she thinks life is so shitty like you say, maybe she's secretly going through the same feelings as you...
The only other thing I can come up with is that 'someone to talk to' may not be such a bad idea. If you really are suffereing from severe depression, maybe a professional can help. Couldn't hurt, right (except maybe your bank balance a little...)?
Having never suffered depression, I can't really relate to what you're feeling, but I hope that the above can help in some way.

[AngryGoat]

Can we get an update that your still alive?

[Hard Justice Dan]

I think a lot of this problem can be answered through the thread title.

It can largely be put down to teen angst. Get through this crummy period and you've got ages to wait until your mid life crisis. You've got a good 20 years where everything's not so bad. Personally, I'm like 16-17 years away from my mid life crisis.

[Jimmy]

Yep, closer by the day.

[Bloppin]

I reckon I have about five years. I don't think I'll last very long. Knowing me, I'll probably go base Jumping without a parachute convinced I'll survive the fall. I'm good like that...

[Tristan]

that's a great attitude to have.

[Jimmy]

The thing is, if anyone would survive that shit it'd be Tom.