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wow. being stuck babysitting for the rest of the night and bored, i literally googled "vent your anger", clicked on the first post that came up on the page, and it was like i was reading something i had written.

i have the exact same problem and it's especially getting to me today! it seems like i'm never the girlfriend, always the hook up. its a vicious cycle i've gotten myself into. if i want to hook up with someone, i do it. i never think of the consequences. i think that if a guy really likes me he'll take it further after that, but really, what is the point after it's already been handed to him?

whats especially getting to me right now is this one guy. i had been talking to him for about a month before we hooked up and was completely into him. all my friends warned me about him, that he literally has a cycle of talking to girls, hooking up with them, and never speaking to them again, but for some strange reason i thought i was different. i was good friends with him and his core group of friends as well.

then one day, i spent the entire day with him, just hanging out with our friends and having a good time. then somehow, i wind up alone with him in our friends hot tub and after a few awkward "break the ice" conversations, i leaned in and kissed him. we made out, just made out, for about an hour after that. i was almost shocked he didnt try to take it further and made it seem all "romantic" and what not, considering his reputation. i thought id finally found the guy i was looking for.

fast forward to the next day, same group of friends, same kid's house, COMPLETELY IGNORES ME. then does it AGAIN the next day. i finally had to figure out what was up, so i imed him and basically asked what, if anything that one night meant. he told me he liked me, but didnt know that he wanted a relationship. of course. they never do, do they?

we agreed to go back to just being friends, which crushed me. all i wanted was one guy, any guy, to finally take me seriously. i guess we went back to being friends, but it was nothing like it was before. then last night at another party, i barely had said 2 words to him and one of my best guy friends comes and tells me that hes telling everyone im all over him and am trying to get with him tonight!! then what does the little fucker do? totally scams on this other girl and obviously hooked up with her!!! i didnt realize the feelings were still there until i saw them together.

i got the guy friend i mentioned before to walk me home and stay over. i never bitch all that much, but tonight i just had to. not because of this one guy in particular, but because this is what happens EVERY TIME!!!! all i want is something real, someone who wont brag about me to their friends and then completely ignore me just to show that they can. i wish my common sense applied more to guys, that i didnt go hooking up with whoever i wanted, whenever i wanted, just because i wanted to. i wish i was one of those other girls, you know, the ones that are smart and pretty and fun all at the same time and always have the best boyfriends who really respect them for who they are. if i want something, i go for it. end of story. i just wish i knew how to go about getting the one thing i really want, love.

oh and if your thinking duhhh you stupid bitch go for the guy friend!!, already tried that, he's such a great friend to me as a person, but as a girl, just like all the others.