Vent Your ANGER!@#! Forum - View Single Post

Zombie_eater_69 · 06-14-2008, 11:26 PM

oh man, what am i doing? i don't know why i let myself get into this shit. it all starts at a party, and me being the kind of 'do what she feels like, no man can tame me; gal that i am, i like to flirt. fuck, who am i kidding, i thrive on affection. And i like being able to walk away from it all feeling like i'm the one who ended it, i'm the one who stopped before they could take a good hard look at me and realise i'm not worth it.

But what the fuck do i do when i realise i'm not as numb to emotion as i like to think i am? I get myself in too deep, and before i know it his got his arm around me and i feel like for a moment i feel like i shouldn't have lead him on, but i can't stop becuase i want to hear those words.

Oh man i feel so screwed up. i shouldn't be doing this with myself. i liek to play the game, or atleast think it's all a game. reality is so much more confusing. I want what noone thinks i want. I want to be loved, god fucking dammit!

haha, woow outburst! And i don't like to admit that i wasn't shivering because i was cold, and that it hurt thinking that he doesn't know i feel this way, but i can't put myself out on the line for him, not when he could so easily break my heart.

Who am i kidding, my hearts mourning what i never had. but atleast he'll never know. What's happening to me? i hate it: i hate that i feel this way, i hate that he won't tell me what i want to hear, i hate that i may only be a one night stand for him, and i hate that i can't seem to get closer.

I keep waiting for something to happen, and when i have the opportunity it's never with who i want. I'm just the pair of doc martins that don't fit, and perhaps i never will.

Fuck, it's all too late, timing always fucks me over. as if being born 50 years too late isn't bad enough, everything i so badly want comes too early, or too late, or never when i so badly want or need it!

I do want that stupid teen romance, i do want to know how he feels about me, fuck why can they never see that?! i've turned into everything i hate, i would have never been drowning on like this last year. thats life for ya, i try playing with hearts and living the party life like men do, and i just feel hollow cold afterwards. I guess i do have emotions, and it fucking pisses me off! DO you think it'll ever happen for me?

06-14-2008, 11:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Zombie_eater_69 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 9	Don't you want somebody to love... oh man, what am i doing? i don't know why i let myself get into this shit. it all starts at a party, and me being the kind of 'do what she feels like, no man can tame me; gal that i am, i like to flirt. fuck, who am i kidding, i thrive on affection. And i like being able to walk away from it all feeling like i'm the one who ended it, i'm the one who stopped before they could take a good hard look at me and realise i'm not worth it. But what the fuck do i do when i realise i'm not as numb to emotion as i like to think i am? I get myself in too deep, and before i know it his got his arm around me and i feel like for a moment i feel like i shouldn't have lead him on, but i can't stop becuase i want to hear those words. Oh man i feel so screwed up. i shouldn't be doing this with myself. i liek to play the game, or atleast think it's all a game. reality is so much more confusing. I want what noone thinks i want. I want to be loved, god fucking dammit! haha, woow outburst! And i don't like to admit that i wasn't shivering because i was cold, and that it hurt thinking that he doesn't know i feel this way, but i can't put myself out on the line for him, not when he could so easily break my heart. Who am i kidding, my hearts mourning what i never had. but atleast he'll never know. What's happening to me? i hate it: i hate that i feel this way, i hate that he won't tell me what i want to hear, i hate that i may only be a one night stand for him, and i hate that i can't seem to get closer. I keep waiting for something to happen, and when i have the opportunity it's never with who i want. I'm just the pair of doc martins that don't fit, and perhaps i never will. Fuck, it's all too late, timing always fucks me over. as if being born 50 years too late isn't bad enough, everything i so badly want comes too early, or too late, or never when i so badly want or need it! I do want that stupid teen romance, i do want to know how he feels about me, fuck why can they never see that?! i've turned into everything i hate, i would have never been drowning on like this last year. thats life for ya, i try playing with hearts and living the party life like men do, and i just feel hollow cold afterwards. I guess i do have emotions, and it fucking pisses me off! DO you think it'll ever happen for me? Last edited by Hard Justice Dan; 06-16-2008 at 08:40 AM.